The Discipleship of Doubt
Easter 2 – April 15, 2012
“Unless I see... I will not believe.”
This is what Thomas said to the other believers that first Easter night. “Unless I see for myself the place where the nails were and the hole in his side, I'm not buying it.” And so, in one moment, Thomas earns himself the nickname that has defined him ever since, “Doubting Thomas”, the title he cannot escape (cartoon story - "No one calls you Denying Peter, or Runs-Away-Naked Mark; I'm just saying!"), said so often in scorn as though doubt were the polar opposite of faith, as though doubt were antithetical to belief, as though all of the other people who had encountered the risen Jesus that first Easter Sunday had not gone through the same questions Thomas had.
The author of John's gospel shows just those doubts. Mary Magdalene comes to the tomb that morning and finds an empty grave – but until Jesus himself appears and calls her name, she sits there weeping, thinking someone has moved his body. When Mary encounters Jesus, he sends her with a message to his other followers, and she goes with the powerful witness: “I have seen the Lord!” John doesn't describe their reaction, but from what we hear in our gospel story today, we don't get the impression that they believed her, because when night falls, we find the disciples locked behind closed doors, huddling together, hiding out in fear of the religious authorities who had orchestrated Jesus' death a few days before. It is only when Jesus himself comes, appearing among them despite their locked doors, bidding them Peace, showing them his hands and his side that their eyes are opened and they believe.
That's where Thomas comes in, Thomas who shows up later on, missing Jesus – and the other disciples can barely contain themselves, they are tripping over each other in their eagerness to share what has happened. They blurt out, just like Mary had done earlier, “We have seen the Lord!” But Thomas can't believe it either. He needs to see with his own eyes, feel with his own hands the same things Mary and the other disciples had seen; he wants to experience the power of the resurrected Lord for himself.
I can relate. Too often, we act as though doubt is a bad thing. But we all go through it. Belief and unbelief go hand in hand. Faith and doubt are two sides of the same coin. We are like the man in the story from Mark's gospel who has a son in need of healing, and the disciples hadn't been able to do anything for him. So he pleads with Jesus: “If you are able to do anything, have pity on us and help us,” to which Jesus replies, “All things can be done for the one who believes.” And the man cries out, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”
And we come to church this morning, perhaps with this same plea on our lips, seeking peace and comfort and hope, longing to believe in this amazing story of Christ's triumph over death, but filled with our own doubts and questions, wondering how we can hold out hope that God is real, that love exists, that everlasting life is possible, and that new life can be experienced here and now in this lifetime. But we look around at the world, hoping to see evidence of God's creative and redeeming power at work, and instead seeing evidence of the power of greed and anger and violence and prejudice – the power of sin and death undeniably at work in nations, in communities, in families, within ourselves. And so we wonder what this story of Jesus' resurrection has to do with us and our problems, filled with the doubts and questions that nag at the corners of our minds, or maybe have taken center stage lately – wondering as we come here this morning if there is a place for us here in this house of worship, this community of faith, if God and the people sitting around us can deal with the parts of us that have a hard time believing.
And yet, you are here, with whatever lingering doubts or questions or uncertainties you may have, you have come. We are here, all of us together, wrestling with those questions, carrying with us the unbelief that coexists side by side with our belief.
And I have to say that we are in good company. I take courage from Thomas' story, because here he is, the quintessential example of doubt, smack dab in the middle of this resurrection story, surrounded in this second part of the lesson for today by people who seem so sure of themselves and what they have seen and what they now believe. But even when he cannot bring himself to believe just based on what they say they saw, Thomas sticks it out. He is still with them one week later. What a powerful example! He doesn't let his doubts push him away – and neither do the rest of them. They welcome him in, he remains a part of their group, even as he protests his inability to believe unless he sees. He brings his questions right to the heart of their community – and there is a place for him there. And wouldn't you know it – one week later, Jesus shows up again, the last person Thomas was expecting, but there he is, despite closed doors, coming one more time to stand among his followers, to offer his peace, extending his hands and side to Thomas to give him exactly what he said he needed – and Thomas believes!
And in that moment of belief, Jesus does not reproach him, even though that's often how we have read these words, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” These are words of blessing, not rebuke – for all of John's first readers who had not seen the risen Christ for themselves, down through the centuries and generations of God's faithful people, even down to us, and now on this morning extended to Cassie, the newest member of God's family who will be baptized this morning – who will grow to have faith because of this gathering of believers who will embrace her as she wrestles and struggles with questions and doubts of her own, helping her to grow stronger in her faith, as we all do, not despite our doubts, but because of them.
This is what we do as Easter people, as people of resurrection faith. We know that we don't have to have all the answers, that our relationship with Jesus and each other is not weakened when we dare to speak the questions that are on our mind. We remind each other that faith is not the opposite of doubt, but that true faith learns to live with doubt and still finds a way to believe at the same time, trusting, hoping, holding on, until we encounter again our risen Lord in sudden and unexpected ways, our Lord who comes to us in the midst of our doubts and fears, bringing peace, breathing the Holy Spirit, giving us power to believe again.
Amen.
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